Jesus H. Mauer!!

OK, so after a few oh-fers, the Mauer Number is now -5. I would link to the post from where the Mauer Number comes, but I post so infrequently these days, you'll find it just below the post below this one.

When the number hits -10, I won't keep track of it anymore. Kind of like in 1982 when the St. Paul Pioneer Press kept track of the Twins vs. the 1962 New York Mets. For a while, it looked like the Twinkees would match the Miserable Mets' record for futility, but eventually, the Twins started playing near-.500 ball, so the Press stopped the daily comparisons, and even offered the local nine their apologies for doing it.

I may need to apologize for jinxing Mauer. Even though SI put him on the cover, and he was batting .407 at press time, and has since tanked to .386, I know it was the Snide Jinx that really got him.

Hopefully this post will un-jinx him, and he'll go 5-for-5 tonight to get back to .400 (above, actually). I'll settle for 9-for-the-next-15, or 13-for-the-next-25; that'll still get the job done.

(For the record, I do not believe in jinxes of any sort...I just felt I should post more than, "Looks like that .400 talk was premature, like I predicted. Oh well.")

A Breakup About Which I Could Not Care Less

The most boring, unimportant couple I know of is Jon and Kate. No, I do not feel sorry for their kids. Unlike my first three kids, who saw their parents divorce while they were young, Jon and Kate's kids' parents became wealthy by airing out their dirty laundry to fools with nothing better to do but watch them.

Wish I could've gotten in on some of that.

I find it funny that people say they feel sorry for the kids. Had these folks not watched the damn show, the kids would have lived in anonymity, and perhaps Kate would not have seen the dollar signs that led to this mess.

Yes, I blame Kate more than Jon, from what very little I know about them. From what I accidentally saw, he looked miserable, and she looked greedy.

I almost hate even mentioning them by name in principle. I won't watch their show by choice. I turned off CBS's morning show this morning when they mentioned them.

I wonder if the people who criticize Octomom for alleged Jon & Kate-like ambitions are by and large Jon & Kate's audience. Shame on us all. That's all I care to comment, ever.

Baby Jesus at the Bat

There's a tongue-in-cheek nickname for Joe Mauer, presumably started by someone at KFAN radio: "Baby Jesus." It was, I think, meant originally as a jab at the local homers who praised Joe Mauer rabidly before he truly proved himself.

The rabid homers may get the last laugh.

I have no dislike for homers, as long as they recognize their own homerism and can separate their own rooting for a player v. actual logical argument. In that regard, I am one myself.

Anyway, young as the season may be, even moreso for Mauer, who missed April due to injury, it is becoming much like the summer of 1977 was for me.

That year, although the Twins contended early, I spent most of the season cheering for one Rodney Cline Carew as he chased a .400 batting average (alas, he finished the season at .388).

Back then, you got 50 televised games, all but about four being road games, and there were no Internets (at least not that everyday folk could use to get everyday information, for all you dweebs who were about to correct me).

A key tool to follow Sir Rodney, then, was the morning newspaper boxscores. Now, with virtually all of the games televised, and the Internet on my lap to provide me more complete boxscores, plus game logs, pitch-by-pitch action, etc., the dynamics of following Mauer's quest to .400 are different, but fun nevertheless.

I admit the Messiah's chase for .400 is likely to end up much the same as Carew in 1977, George Brett in 1980, and Carew again with the Angels in 1983. Below .400, that is. (And yes, Carew had a chase at .400 in 1983, which lasted even longer into the year than '77. You can look it up.)

Tonight, as the Twins try to hold on to their 10-0 lead, Mauer is 2-for-4 with a walk, making him 54-for-130, and bringing his average to .415.

You know the Magic Number the media use to indicate how close a team is to winning their division? I have come up with a Mauer Number.

The Mauer Number is a positive number, a negative number, or zero. Right now it is a plus-five. That means Baby J is batting over .400, and can go hitless in his next five at bats and still be batting .400. A negative number would mean he is batting below .400, and needs to have that number of consecutive hits to get his average back up to .400.

If you need me to explain what a Mauer Number of zero means, please seek remedial reading and/or math coursework as soon as possible.

May the Healing Begin

The memorial for my father-in-law was yesterday. It was a week after the private viewing, which in some ways was too long a wait. Knowing a full week you're going to go through an emotional day can be difficult.

On the other hand, I think it helps getting to closure and peace by having an additional gathering of people and emotions after letting some of the realization sink in.

He passed May 28, the private viewing was May 31, and the public ceremony was June 6. As tough as the gap was on family, I think going forward, they will be able to heal more quickly, especially after all of the wonderful memories and stories shared yesterday.

At least I hope that's what will happen.