Rod Serling's Rockin' New Year's Eve

It's New Year's Eve, and here I am blogging. My wife is at work on her new third-shift job, and it's her birthday to boot. She also works tomorrow and Sunday nights.

As much as I wish she could be home, I'm still much happier on a night like tonight at home watching the Twilight Zone marathon on the Sci Fi channel. I enjoy the stories, plus recognizing all of the actors before they were stars. Plus, as an introvert who doesn't really like to drink in excess for its own sake, New Year's Eve is pretty much the dullest holiday there is.

I'll be off to Florida Monday on business, returning Wednesday, so it looks like I won't be able to celebrate my wife's birthday with her until Wednesday night at the earliest.

Meanwhile, that looks like a young Sheriff Lobo on the tube...

How Christmas Got a Little More Expensive

It's been a pretty good holiday season so far. The kids all seemed to enjoy themselves and their presents. Mom and Dad were in Florida, but we did get to spend some nice time with my sisters, nephews, and niece, plus my wife's extended family as well. Thanks in part to my wife starting her new job, we spent a little more cash this year than the past two Christmases, which seems to be the trend in the U.S. this year.

One unfortunate and unexpected extra expense this year will be coming from the heating bill. I discovered just today that the top half of the window by the bathroom had slid down about 1/3 of the way, leaving only the wood blinds and screen to protect us from the elements. Every now and then we had felt a draft, and my wife tells me she noticed the floor was cold by the bathroom.

I happened to walk by the window tonight and felt something of a draft, checked the window, and sure enough...I found the culprit. I have no idea why it wasn't latched. I'm pretty anal about latching windows for the very purpose of not wasting energy.

My best guess is it happened Saturday night when my older kids and I heard a noise we thought was just something falling in the nearby closet. Must have been the window sliding down, followed by our savings being sucked out of the opening.

It's Hard to Bowl With Your Hands Around Your Neck

Long-time Twins fans will recognize the Gary Gaetti reference in the title of this post. It comes from after the game in late September 1984 in which the Twins had a 10-0 lead, only to lose by allowing 11 runs, thereby throwing their pennant hopes away, almost literally. Gaetti made his quote when remarking after the game on a costly throwing error of his.

It was also in the 1980s when I bowled my first and only officially sanctioned perfect 300 game (February 8, 1988 to be exact). And speaking of 11-10, this past Tuesday in league night, I was perfect into the 10th frame, and made strikes on number 10 and 11. One more strike and I'd have my second perfecto in almost 23 years.

Sadly, I pulled a G-Man, let the adrenaline get to me, put too much speed on the final shot, and threw away a second 300, winding up with a six-count (leaving the 2-4-5-8 "bucket"). Yes, a six-count, for a 296. I could have done better throwing a straight ball. Actually, I did kind of throw a straight ball...that was the problem; it was supposed to hook more.

I placed it right where I wanted to. Bo Burton was famous for saying on the old PBA telecasts that direction is 95 percent of the game. That's not true anymore, what with today's technology. And it wasn't true for me last Tuesday night.

I only hope it's not another 22+ years before finding myself in that position again.

A Couple More Bad Dreams

In my post last night, I ended with a joke about running from Bigfoot in a dream. While that didn't happen as I dreamt last night, I did have another recurring dream of which I forgot to mention. I'm guessing the reason I had the dream was that after I finished posting, I thought about a couple of dreams I could have added, and thought, "Well, I'll just add them later." Sure enough, I had one of them. Here it is:

7. Being a Radio Announcer Again. This always starts out very positively in the dream, and last night was no exception. In this case, it was my third radio job, in Carroll, Iowa, and I've decided to chase my dream job once again. I get hired in Carroll, even move my family down there, and start my first day back. I reconnect with old co-workers and friends. I thank my old program director for taking another chance on me.

Then all hell breaks loose. During my air shift, I only remember vaguely how to operate the board, I fail to have songs cued up and ready to play, and I don't have the latest forecast ready to read during the weather segment. It's awful, and what starts out as a dream I don't want to end, winds up being one from which I'm glad I wake.

I can't remember what the other recurring dream I thought of is. Perhaps I'll remember it later tonight, before I fall asleep, and tomorrow will be able to write about having the same dream. I'm sure you're hanging on the edge of your seat for that.

My Recurring Nightmares

I don't have nightmares per se, like the kind with monsters or horror of any sort. Occasionally a dream might be a little frightening, but for the most part, I just have "bad" dreams from time to time. Some of them are recurring. Here are the most common, in no particular order:

1. Plane Crashes. I have recurring dreams of both witnessing plane crashes, like the catastrophic kind, and also being a passenger on them, which are more like the bizarre kind. Like flying between buildings in a downtown area, and then crash landing in a field. I always come out unscathed, and shortly thereafter I wake up.

2. Law School. This is my least favorite of all. I have a lot of school dreams, and many are wonderfully nostalgic, and I'm a bit sad to wake from these. High school, my one full semester at the U of M, and Alexandria Technical College tend to be the "good" dreams about being in school. I always wake up the moment I realize I am in fact nowhere near 18 anymore.

The Law School dreams, however, are rarely so kind. Typically, they will involve me showing up for a class, the name of which I'm typically not familiar, nor have I studied for the day's lesson, or worse, final exam. Absolutely horrible. Let's move on...please.

3. Sports. I hate these because my better sports, like bowling, golf, and softball, tend to take on surreal turns (gee, go figure, it's a dream after all). I might find myself playing golf, and one hole will suddenly include a tee box in someone's living room. This is fine, as there is a large enough gap in the wall to drive the ball through, but my backswing will be obstructed by the bar (as in liquor cabinet). The common link to these sports dreams tends to be that they end up playing on a field much smaller than the real life game, I tend to have little control over what I'm doing in them (for example, I'll find the holes in the bowling ball don't fit), and they rarely last long.

The only recurring positive sports dream I have is when I'm playing basketball and get serious hang time, like I'm practically floating up towards the hoop, and then dunk with ease. But even those kind of suck, like I might find myself having trouble holding on to the ball on the way up.

4. Tornadoes. I always survive these, and in fact some are a little exciting. But then there are the ones where I'm trying to protect my kids in a house that is getting hit by one. I was scared by tornadoes as a kid, so I'm sure that's why I still get these. But at least I've matured so as not to have them be quite so frightening, usually.

5. Bigfoot. Yeah, I know I said I've matured, and I said, "No monsters," but this goes back to my youth as well, when I believed in Sasquatch. They can some times be a little frightening, and often the setting is my grandmother's farm house near Alexandria, MN. They occur less often, however, and I think that may be because over the years I've come to dismiss Bigfoot as a real possibility of existing.

6. Losing my Teeth. I had this one just a couple nights ago. Odd thing about these ones is that each time I convince myself that "I'm not dreaming this time...oh no! I've ground my teeth to the point of them crumbling right out of my mouth!" And then when I wake, I always make sure to bite down to see if they are still there. I do grind my teeth during these dreams, and even used to wear a fitted mouth piece to keep from making my already teeth minuscule by the time I'm in my 60s. I've made it to 44, and they haven't shrunk that much, so we'll see in 20 years or so.

Generally, I tend to like dreams, because the good ones are fun, and the bad ones are always a relief to wake up from. But I do wish I had more "success" in my sports dreams. Especially when trying to run. My feet tend to move like they're stuck in the mud.

Let's hope that doesn't happen tonight when I'm fleeing Bigfoot at Grandma's place.

Down Goes the Dome

The last time I made a prediction about the Minnesota Vikings, I thankfully was wrong. I predicted EJ Henderson would never play again, or at least never near the level at which he did prior to his serious leg injury last year.

Hopefully, I will improve to 1-for-2 with this one: The latest collapse of the Metrodome roof, sagging ever so near Mall of America Field, will be one day remembered as the turning point in the Vikings getting a new stadium.

Actually, I could get this prediction right and regret it. That is, it could be known as a "turning point" in the Vikings getting their stadium in LA or some other metropolis suitor. For some day, people may remember that the politicians of Minnesota thumbed their figurative noses at the franchise even after proof was given to those not sharp enough to already realize that the Vikings played in one of about three of the worst professional sports venues in the country.

In 1998, when then-governor-elect Jesse Ventura, said that Minnesota did not need a new stadium, he was spot on for two reasons. One was because then-owner Red McCombs was able to secure the team at such a bargain price because of the lack of a top-notch stadium.

The other reason was, to quote Jesse from memory, because we don't tear down schools after 16 years, referring to the Humpty Dump's age at the time. No, we don't, but now it's been 28 years, and we would tear down a 28-year-old school building that was this embarrassing.

Or at least should.

One Reason Why a Wisconsin Dells Trip is so Expensive

One thing I learned on my trip to the Dells this past Thanksgiving weekend, although it has nothing to do with Thanksgiving or the Dells, is that Dippin' Dots are positively the biggest waste of money on the face of the earth. Almost five bucks for what amounts to a large scoop of ice cream.

Actually, I've known what a rip off they are since I visited the Minnesota Zoo a few years ago, but it finally sunk in because I was, up to that point, proud of how well I was sticking to a budget for the Dells trip. I don't get it. The texture isn't as enjoyable as hand-dipped ice cream, and the kids spill about half of them. I'm hoping even young kids will wise up and these things will go the way of the Pet Rock. At least at that price.

Wisconsin Dells Thanksgiving

It was a nice, long Thanksgiving break, and I kind of wish I had tomorrow off from work. I think an ideal vacation is one where you get whatever time off spent doing whatever you do on the vacation, then get one day at home to unwind.

My wife and I took our two little guys to Wisconsin Dells, just getting ahead of the nasty weather, last Wednesday. It was my ex-wife's Thanksgiving to have the three older kids, so to make up for what they missed out on, we plan on heading back for President's Day weekend with them. It was also my first Thanksgiving away from them for the entire weekend, that I can recall anyway.

For President's Day, we will probably find a nice resort with a water park built in. This past five-day weekend, we rented a timeshare, which was fine, and had nice facilities, but we had to drive to get to the amusement and water parks. That wasn't so bad, but with five kids along for the trip next time, for convenience's sake, we'll try to stay where there is all that stuff on-site. Another key factor is that it will be more like a three-day weekend, so to cram as much in, it will help to not have to drive around as much.

We'll also need to find something better to travel in than my old Ford Taurus wagon with 120,000 miles on it. If all goes well, and my wife gets one of the jobs she is interviewing for this week, we'll be able to get a minivan. I couldn't justify it otherwise, despite the alternative - seven of us packed like sardines for 3 1/2 hours.

Here's hoping...

Elections

This being my first post since the election, I suppose it would be appropriate that I comment on how badly the Democrats got beat. I won't profess to know why it happened, but I do believe it had a lot to do with a lot of people being impatient. I also believe it had a lot to do with the success of the right wing media to get people to believe crazy things, at least to enough of a degree to affect votes.

Take the untrue $200 million-per-day Obama trip to Asia, for example. Although the story came out too late to affect the election, it's testamentary to how people are willing and capable of believing some crazy stuff. Then, after presented with the evidence, they'll still either believe it because they want to, or, almost as bad, believe something along the lines of, "Well, it may not be that bad, but there's still a lot of truth to it."

And when you get a lot of folks in the media from the same camp repeating the story as true because "they heard it in the media," even though they are only hearing it from each other, the uninformed fall for it, and in large numbers.

While this does happen with all political "sides," the Right Wing pretty clearly had the lion's share of successful indoctrination of misinformation this go-round.

Why I'll be Voting Democratic This Year

I don't touch much on my politics here, but occasionally I feel compelled to. In my adult years, I haven't liked the idea of one party controlling the House, Senate, and Presidency. But this year is different.

Unlike past years, I don't plan on voting for a single Republican on Tuesday. Now, I'm not that far left politically. Certainly not on fiscal matters, anyway. Social issues? Definitely to the left. Like gay marriage, which I think is my generation's civil rights. Twenty years from now, if my children ask me how I felt about gay marriage and the right to serve, I'm glad to know that I won't have to lie to tell them I was on the "correct" side of the issue...today's "liberal" side.

I could point to countless things that contribute to my decision, such as the above, but all I really need comes from some of the simplest, yet most misleading lies from the campaign season. Things like calling Obama and Dayton's tax positions, "Job-killing tax hikes." Say all you want about it not technically being a lie, but my Webster allows for it to absolutely be called a lie. They know they are intentionally being deceiving; ergo, they are lying.

"But what about the Dems this and the liberals that, and they do it too, and blah blah blah?"

Yeah, I know. Please spare me the tu quoques. One side has disgusted me far more than the other this year, and it is the party of Lincoln.

But if you insist that, as you should, this is not enough, here's another good example of why I don't want another mid-term like '94, from Dana Milbank at the Washington Post.

Here's a good reason why we don't need a return to the mythified Reagan years.

Still think raising the top income earners' marginal rate by a whopping three percentage points (which they are supposed to do when Bush's failed policy expires) will be "job-killing?" Think again.

I'm totally a "throw the bums out" kind of guy. But not this year.

Too Much October

Within the span of a week in October, I have a son's birthday, a daughter's birthday, a sister's birthday, and my wife's and my anniversary. Somewhere within about two weeks, all in October, is also a nephew's birthday, a niece's birthday, and a sister's anniversary.

I'm pretty sure I'm forgetting something. Anyway, throw in MEA weekend and Halloween, and October is just too busy a month for me. Almost makes me glad I don't have to worry about following the Twins in the World Series.

No, not really.

New Business Adventure/Experiment

I used a half day of vacation today to pick up four pallets of return merchandise from a direct marketing company. I rented a U-Haul to pick them up in Chaska, and unloaded them in my garage, where scores of full boxes now sit. My intent is to assemble and/or check the usability of each item, then turn around and sell the merchandise individually on the various online auctions/classifieds.

My costs so far for the merchandise and delivery is just over $800. I don't expect I'll have any problems making the money back and being able to keep some of the items for personal use, gifts, etc. They include unassembled bikes, retro-style turntables, and turntable-cd burner combos, to name a few.

But will I profit? Keep watching this blog for updates on how the venture goes. I will include the accounting to show not only what net profit/loss I incur, but also a diagnosis from an economist's viewpoint (whether it was worth it in the end, opportunity cost, etc.).

I must keep reminding myself that this isn't too far from how Tom Petters got started. Things like that will scare me straight, all right.

Why Pay More? (Maybe they should)

It's after midnight, and thanks to another Twins faltering against the Yankees, two things are certain:

1) I'll have a dream of the game, during which the game isn't over yet, only to wake up and realize it really happened
2) Every thing that normally bugs me a little will really tick me off for a while

As for the latter, as an ex-radio guy, I really hate lame commercial copy. After the game, on the tube I heard the Vision World tag line, "Why pay more?" I think Taco Bell has been using the same one. I would bet at least 100 small market radio stations across the U.S. are using it for local advertisers as well. Perhaps the Twins' management is as well, and were reminded of the answer by the Yankees.

I can forgive the small market stations. You can only come up with so many different ways to tell the audience that price is your differentiator. For $10 a spot, or whatever the going rate is these days, you ain't getting Madison Avenue.

But from national chains? "Why pay more"??

I'll tell you why, because perhaps by paying more I'll get someone who cares about quality, which apparently Vision World doesn't when hiring copy writers.

Stupid Twins.

Out of Shape

The diet ain't going so well. The latest plan: Sometime between now and October 25, I am going on crash 30-day plan. Thirty pounds in thirty days. That can't be healthy, but I need to do something drastic.

Weight-wise, I'm not getting any heavier. But shape-wise, I'm not in it. So I won't be just watching what I eat and restricting calories. I'll be working out again, and with a vengeance for a while.

Please wish me luck.

Snoozing and Losing

As a radio geek and bowling nerd (or is that radio nerd and bowling geek?), I totally blew two opportunities recently.

First, as I reported previously, the Airport Bowl closed its doors. They had an auction on K-BID to liquidate everything. Yes, everything, including their lanes and pinsetters.

I'm not upset about missing out on buying my own set of lanes for the pole shed out back. That would have been so cool, and cheap, but the buyer had to pick it up, which I wouldn't have been able to do. Plus, I don't have a pole shed.

I'm only a little upset at missing out on the several brightly colored house balls, weighing about 6-7 pounds each, the ball racks, various office furniture, etc. What I'm really upset at is that an autographed photo of Kelly Kulick went for only $7.10. Yeah, that's kind of geeky, but follow Kulick's link, and you'll see how incredible an athlete (yes, athlete) she is. I kept telling myself to check in on it just before it closes, and then I got distracted for a few hours, and missed out.

The other thing I missed out on was an original 1965 Minnesota Twins record album, "The Last of the Ninth." I listened for hours to the 1969 Twins LP, "Martin's Marauders" in my youth. Herb Carneal, Merle Harmon, and Halsey Hall. Gordo and Dazzle couldn't carry their jocks.

My uncle still has the record and has told me one day he will copy it to CD for me. How cool would it have been for me to present him with a copy of the 1965 album when he did? Pretty cool, says the geek.

I missed out on this almost the same way as the Kulick photo: I saw it on e-Bay, and forgot to follow-up as the closing date/time drew near. It sold for $20.

Take Me Out to the Ball Game Lyrics

At every Major League Baseball game, the fans sing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" during the seventh inning stretch. At the Twins games, they post the lyrics on the scoreboard. They also feature some fan(s) on the PA system singing along.

I noticed during tonight's game on TV that the fan sang, "For it's root, root, root for the home team." This is how many sing it, as have I in the past. The Twins scoreboard lyrics, however, read, "Let me root, root, root..."

So I got curious, and the scoreboard is right. I also learned that the song is actually the chorus to a full-length song penned in 1908. It's all here: Take Me Out to the Ball Game.

I also learned that it's "I don't care if I never get back," not "ever get back." That pleased me, although I don't remember if the Twins scoreboard has that one right.

My Pre-Twins Game Trip

I'm taking four of my five kids, plus my wife, to the Twins game this Friday. To help save on refreshments, I went to one of my favorite places to get junk food: Menard's. I had a $15 Menard's rebate check, which made it feel almost like I got the stuff free. Except, of course, that I bought much more than $15 worth.

Two things I noticed at Menard's that are the kinds of things I notice. One I appreciated: the express check-out lane said, "Six items or fewer." Nice! Most would say, "Six (or ten, or fifteen, or whatever) items or less." Menard's gets points for being grammatically correct.

The other thing bothers me, 'though. Why does Menard's have a turnstile at the entrance, and one that seems relatively free-spinning at that?

Talent Shows

If a singer wants to place as high as possible in a talent contest, what type of song should he or she sing? An original? A standard that everyone knows? One of the latest pop tunes? One that best fits his/her talent/voice, regardless of how well known it is or isn't?

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this here before, but I once took second place in a talent show, the only one I've ever entered, for singing Billy Joel's "Piano Man." I was pretty happy with second for a number of reasons, not the least of which was the fact that I didn't even play the piano to it - I needed an accompaniment. (Hey, at least I didn't do it karaoke-style.)

I was reminded of this night from some 24+ years ago this past weekend when my cousin's 11-year-old daughter entered the Minnesota State Fair amateur talent shows. She entered the first one by qualifying at her County Fair, taking first place there. The other one is open to anyone. They both have semifinals each night over several nights at the Fair, with the top two in each division each night qualifying for the finals.

In the first show, she didn't get past the semifinals, despite out-singing, in my opinion, all of the singers in her division. The song she performed was one I had not previously heard of, Ingrid Michaelson's "Everybody." The winning act was a duet, two girls younger than her who sang a Justin Bieber song the world will have forgotten within three years. They were talented, cute, and harmonized well. But not quite up to my first cousin once removed's level. Still, cute won out, and perhaps Biebermania didn't hurt.

In her second contest, the open one, she won in the semifinals with an inspirational song she wrote, "Be Yourself." Lest you think an 11-year-old's song called "Be Yourself" would be some corny, hokey, sappy number, let me tell you...listening to the song a couple times on Facebook actually got me a little choked up. No, it's not Cats in the Cradle (or whatever your own personal automatic tear-jerker is), but its simple message can hit home with kids young and old.

With her original song, she took third in her class in the finals in front of about 10,000 people at the Grandstand Saturday night. I wasn't there to witness her opposition, but I'd be surprised if I would have been as impressed with them as I was with her performance.

Anyway, back to the original question(s). Did doing an original song help her, by showing the judges she's not just another trained young singer? Or did it hurt her, because it wasn't a familiar song to subconsciously be favored by the judges?

The song she did at the earlier contest matched her voice, and she played and sang terrificly. Did she lose to Biebermania because her song wasn't as familiar? Or how about the hula hoop girl who took second? Not sure about that one, as the girl was very good and had a well-planned routine, but for me, there wasn't enough versatility in the performance to put her ahead of the good singers in the competition.

When I took second in my show, the woman who hands-down should have won sang a relatively obscure Broadway tune. She finished fourth or fifth as I recall. One guy sang two short original songs to the backing of his guitar. He was talented, but his songs perhaps not catchy enough in a talent show, and he took sixth, again as I recall. Original songs can help or hurt your cause, depending of course on the song choice. It had better be catchy, and it better showcase your talents well. Otherwise, you leave the judges wondering why you even bothered writing one, when there's plenty of great songs out there already.

The winner was a woman who sang a milquetoast version of "The Rose." So while I was thrilled with second, as that was the best I figured I could possibly hope to finish out of the 20+ competitors, it kind of tainted it that she won. I mean, if the judges (one of whom was then-Minnesota Viking rookie Tim Newton) bungled that, perhaps I was more deserving of something much lower.

I seriously doubt my cousin's daughter would feel she might have deserved lower than third overall. She took a risk doing an original song, so win, place, or show, she showed something the others did not. There's no accounting for taste, but she showed everyone what an artist she already is, regardless of where the judges would score her.

See for yourself. Self-driven and improving every time I see a new song from her, she's a potential star in the making, if she still wants it when she's older:

http://www.facebook.com/#!/video/video.php?v=1557881557814&ref=mf

Getting ready for bowling season

Historically, I've generally been a slow starter in my bowling seasons, mainly because I would rarely touch a bowling ball all summer. This year I'm making sure I go out a few weekends before league starts. We'll see how that works out, but I hope it doesn't hurt the golf game, what with the state Mid Amateur tournament coming up in three weeks. I'd sure hate to ruin my chances of missing the cut by less than ten strokes.

I took the kids to Cedarvale Lanes this past weekend. My son took a couple of poor quality (cell phone) videos. For the most part, I like what I see, but it seems I'm lofting more than I did when I was younger. I suppose it could be age, maybe my reaction to how the lanes were responding, or it could be that I'm throwing with more ball speed than I used to, and to do it I feel the need to really heave it out there.

Regardless, it's something I'll look at working on, at least to be versatile enough to lay it down more gently when the lane patterns call for it.

I'll try to post the videos when I can figure out how to convert them to a file blogspot recognizes. Next time, I'll try to get our video camera for better quality shots, and thus better quality analysis.

Duct tape Rx redux

In early June, I posted about a new use of Duct Tape of which I had not been aware. Well, it hasn't worked out so well, so we took our 4 1/2 year-old to the doctor today to have it removed.

When we told him we were taking him to the doctor, he wasn't too happy. He remembered the last visit, which involved shots. We told him there would be no shots today, yet neglected to tell him there would be some pain involved, as we expected to have to have a freezing procedure to remove the "bump," as he calls it.

As it turns out, the doctor recommended a liquid that would blister the skin and remove it somehow. But first, she had to scrape some dead skin with a blade, which was somewhat uncomfortable for him, but not terrible. The blistering is not supposed to happen for a day or so, and that may cause a little pain, but it's better than the freezing procedure.

Plus, we didn't have to lie to him. Although, telling him there would be no shots, and that "this won't hurt" when the liquid was applied, does seem a little like a lie. After all, it will hurt somewhat at some point, and that is really all a kid cares about when asking about shots at a visit to the doctor.

Aside from the fallibility of duct tape, I also learned that it is nearly impossible to find out online whether wart removal is covered by insurance, unless you have the policy manual (I misplaced it). We'll see if Anthem covers it after the fact, but if not, we'll at least get to use our flexible spending account money. We're in danger of having to stock up on ibuprofen in late December in order to use it up.

Bad game, bad ump, bad fans, great day!

I was at the Twins' 9-3 loss against the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim today. I got a nice deal from a friend on two tickets, so I took my 11 year-old daughter to her first game at Target Field.

Despite umpire Jerry Layne blowing a call at home, much like a little league umpire would because the ball beat the runner, the Twins deserved this loss. This happened even though Layne was positioned to see it, as Jason Kubel slid under the tag.

I was more upset at a mother, who decided to take our seats with her daughter and two sons while we went up for some refreshments. There were five of us, including my daughter and me, and the mother simply had one of her kids move down a row when my daughter and I returned, while the rest of our party was in the Town Ball Tavern (for the air conditioning).

This was only the third inning. Then, when a different party returned to the seats to where her one son moved, she just moved her son to a different row and had him take her other son with. When the others in our party came back (the sun went behind the stadium, so we were now shaded), she and her daughter went with her boys to yet another row, several rows down from ours.

I would have been embarrassed if I were the kids, but they didn't seem to have a clue of what ballpark etiquette is. One of them stood up in front of my daughter's view for several pitches while he dug in his pocket for a dollar bill.

I should have said something, but I pitied the woman, with her horrible hygiene, her greasy, unkempt hair, and overall social deficiencies. Mostly, I pitied the children, who have to be raised by this woman.

Late in the game, a man and his three boys came down to sit in our row. That's a little more understandable, as many had left because of the lopsided score. Still, this guy looked like he should have had a clue, and he moved right next to one of our party members, while the other two were away getting more refreshments. He was told the seats were taken, and thus just moved down two seats.

I'm not going to be so kind next time this happens. If the stadium is less than half-full, like PNC Park at Camden Yards when I was there Thursday night (yep, I moved to better seats, because the usher told us to sit anywhere we wanted in that section), I don't have a problem with this. But when it's a sell-out, and you get busted once, move on. It takes a lot of nerve to just move over into other seats you also obviously did not pay for. Or just obtuseness. It's awful parenting, too.

Another reason I didn't say anything this time was because I was with my daughter, and nothing could bug me that much when I'm having quality time like that. I enjoyed the day. She got a nice lunchbox as a promo, we enjoyed some treats and sunshine, and got a few laughs over the odd woman and her odds-against-them-in-life children.

I recommend this to everyone: When someone is doing something that normally ticks you off, it's not too difficult to change your mindset and make it for an entertaining moment, or afternoon at the ballpark, even.

My mission continued: MLB replays

I've posted about this blown call by Bob Davidson on some chat boards, so I'm not going to go into detail here. I'll just post the photo I'm referring other people to.

I will say this: Replays show the ball bounced twice in the infield, both on or inside the chalk. This was the third bounce. What gets me so is not that he missed the call, but rather he is actually making the call and not following the ball as it lands in the outfield. Granted, it doesn't matter where it lands there, but for persepective, especially since replays show it on the chalk on the previous bounce, the ump should be following the ball. Ridiculous.

A Bargain at $30,000; a Shame at $8,500

Continuing from my previous entry, when I purchased a home in Ortonville, Minnesota, it was a nice, old, three-bedroom, 1 1/2 bath house, with a beautiful dining room, living room, and staircase. Purchase price: $30,000. Even for January of 1993, it was a bargain. The gentleman who owned it was a recent widower, which is perhaps part of the reason for the deal.

My ex-wife and I lived there only until August of that year, when we got married and moved to Iowa. Of course, it's not the relationship I get nostalgic about. It's everything good about living and working in Ortonville, especially this house.

Sadly, in my trip to Ortonville this year, I found the house for sale and in disrepair. It had been 16 years since I saw it last. (My ex and I visited the next-door neighbors once in '94.)

What also saddens me is that I had a dream radio job for my first gig in the business. Yes, it was 3 1/2 hours from the Twin Cities, the station was an old farm house, it paid $6 an hour, the music format wasn't my favorite (but not too bad for my taste: it was Adult Contemporary, with Oldies on the weekend), the equipment was old and not entirely functional, and because of the small market town of just over 2000 people, there were the Sunday AM church broadcasts, crop reports, and the Little Red Mailbox, which is still a daily feature.

But the beauty of the gig was that it was the perfect opportunity to learn by making mistakes, without getting fired. Further, and more importantly, my boss, while at times being a hard-nosed SOB (I don't mean that as an insult, necessarily; in fact, his dad, the owner, used those exact words to describe him while telling me the story of how his son saved the station), wanted me to push the envelope on the air. He actually encouraged me to be controversial as I was cutting my teeth in the biz. And he didn't mind a bit if I had fun with the Little Red Mailbox and made it "my own."

That kind of gig is almost non-existent in small-market radio (even prior to the Telecommunications act of 1996, which led to owners gobbling up multiple stations, like Red McCombs and Clear Channel, as well as, in my opinion, permanently damaging the quality of radio in this country). In the small markets, the last thing the owner wants you to do is offend a listener, especially since the listeners often are the owners of the businesses that buy the advertising that keeps the station afloat. (Or worse: an owner's wife!)

In my third and final gig in Carroll, IA, I recall a couple instances that still make me figuratively ill. One was when our program director had to apologize to a local merchant for suggesting that the winner of the $500 cash prize in the station's current contest could spend it in many different ways, and after naming a couple examples, added, "Or a trip to the Mall of America in Minnesota." This upset the local jacka...uh, merchant, because the P.D. was promoting, heaven forbid, shopping outside of the city.

Another time, a local car dealer, who spent big bucks with the station (small market stations really depend on car dealer advertising, especially when there is good competition among dealers in the market), was offended by an on-air conversation between the news and sports director and one of the air talents. Their offense: stating that they weren't big Nebraska Cornhusker fans. The car dealer was. (Nebraska borders the western edge of Iowa; Carroll is located in the western part of the state, so you find some 'Husker fans in Carroll.) He was so upset, he threatened to pull advertising from the station.

I don't know how that ever got resolved, but I've ever since been not such a fan of the 'Huskers myself, thanks to that whiny maroon.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, Ortonville. That bargain of a house we bought circa January '93 for $30,000 was listed for $14,900 this past May. It was later reduced to $11,900, and I just found it online tonight, reduced to $8,500. Just sad. It may have finally sold at that price, for I found it on a couple MLS-type real estate sites, but on most of the sites from the Google results, the listing was gone.

I don't know how much the low price is due to the economy, nor how much is due to the disrepair. But I took some photos, and while the main color of the house is the same uninspiring, but not too badly aged green, the rest looks awful, and I can only imagine how bad the inside got (from pets, perhaps?) to bring it to the cost of an old, used car. Hopefully, I'm wrong about my perception.

Below are the photos I took of my old, aging friend. Hopefully the new owners, whoever they are or are going to be, will bring it back to the condition I found it during the winter, some 17+ years ago, when I had my dream job.

From the front. The house never looked that great from the outside,

in part because of its old style and bland green color. From the

inside, it was a different story. I do hope it's still just as nice, and

is priced so low primarily because of other factors, such as the

economy. Someone will have themselves a bargain if so.

A little more close up from the front.

The garage is looking pretty rough. The top is still discolored from

the basketball hoop I installed. The driveway needed a lot of work,

too, but I forgot to download that photo. Lots of cracks and weeds.

Visiting the Columbian Hotel, 17 years later

In late May this past spring, I took a golf trip to Western Minnesota with a golf buddy from work. He is originally from Benson, MN, so that was one of the towns we visited on our three-day trip, during which we played four golf courses.

Another town we visited was Ortonville, MN, located on the south part of the "hump" of Minnesota's western border, next to South Dakota. My first radio gig was in Ortonville (1350 KDIO), back in 1992. Shortly after accepting that job, I started dating a girl from the Cities who would soon move out to Ortonville with me, and a year later become my first wife. (Yep, way too fast...)

We first lived in the Columbian Hotel, an historic building which was then owned by my boss at the radio station. We would later buy a nice old house, which I will write about in a day or two. The Columbian was a charming building, but obviously needed a lot of work. I've tried to keep somewhat abreast of Ortonville happenings since moving a year later in 1993 to Marshalltown, IA. All I know about the Columbian is that after some troubles keeping it going and keeping it from ruins, new ownership has a plan to refurbish it and open it for business again some day.

Photos of the building are below. I'm not sure whether the plan is to keep it as a hotel, but I am pleased to know it will not be deserted forever, or worse, demolished any time soon.

The Columbian from the front. A real beauty!

Renovations to the main area, as seen through the front window.

(I hope the owners don't mind I did that!) For the first few weeks

on the job, I lived in the room behind the door you see in the center.

After that, my boss created a two bedroom apartment in the back

of the hotel.

The rear of the Columbian. It had a walk-out basement, so the platform

where you see the boards standing is actually level with the first floor.

The door to the left of the boards enters the apartment in which I lived

before getting a house.

A Toy Story 3 story

My 16-year-old had not yet seen Toy Story 3, so even though my wife, the 3-year-old, the 4-year-old, and I had seen it, we were game for taking the "big brother" to it this past weekend. It was the first time I had seen the same movie in a theatre more than once since "Miracle."

We saw the matinee at an AMC theatre, which meant $7.50 for each of us big folks, and $5.00 each for the little ones, if I recall correctly. Expensive, sure, but far better than full adult prices for evening showings. But then came time for the large pop and popcorn to share, plus small treats because we stupidly didn't stop at Rainbow to get treats to smuggle in. The large pop and popcorn were about $5.50 each. People don't often realize it, but refreshments are so expensive because the theatres make pretty much zilch on the movie tickets.

Just before placing my order, a mysterious gentlemen tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Here, take these if you can use them." They were two self-printed coupons for soda and popcorn. I thanked him politely, if lacklusterly, and checked out the coupons.

At first glance, I thought they said $1.00 off. Then I saw they said $1.00 each, but thought I wasn't going to use them, because I wanted large. Finally, I realized they were indeed for large sizes, and valid on that day only.

Like a scene from a movie, when I turned to thank the stranger a second, more emphatic time, he had vanished. This stranger saved my family $9.00 in a moment of thoughtfulness, when he could have just tossed them away.

I enjoyed Toy Story 3 very much the first time. I enjoyed it much more the second.

Mom and Dad's 50th Anniversary

My mom and dad celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary last weekend. I'm not sure how it all started, but any decently sized event our family holds and invites guests to includes a "program" where my sisters and I, and sometimes others, put together a few stories and sing some songs.

Typically, my older sister and I will bring our guitars for accompaniment, but because we knew we'd have minimal time to rehearse, we used a karaoke machine for back-up. It was cheesy, but easy.

I sang "Playground in My Mind," a one-hit wonder from the '70s sung by Clint Holmes, and my kids sang along to the choruses, except my oldest, who at 16 is too cool for that kind of thing. If you don't know the song, you're either too young, or you simply know the song as the "My name is Michael, I've got a nickel" song.

I sang that one because we told stories about growing up, and this was the perfect song to bring in a new generation of singers at these gatherings. My grandmother loved the song, largely because of the "We're gonna let them visit their grandma" line, and I thought it would be nice for my mom to hear her grandchildren sing it.

I also backed up my sister on "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head," and I sang the Statler Brothers' "The Class of '57," because my mom graduated high school in 1957.

If you're unfamiliar with the Statler Brothers song, the cool thing about it is that despite sounding at first take like a typical '70s country-pop tune, the lyrics are deeper than they may come across at face value. It basically tells one-line stories of various schoolmates, some more successful in their post-high school endeavors than others, with a few words of wisdom in the choruses. Even though it was presumably about people who have been out of high school for about 15 years (based on the copyright date of the song), it is pretty timeless.

I'm sure a lot of people scoff at anything the Statler Brothers did. And while I'm not generally a fan of country music, I don't automatically dismiss every song from the genre. Besides, they really were more eclectic than that.

My favorite line from the song, which wraps it up near the end: "Things get complicated when you get past eighteen." I hope as a father I can prepare my kids well enough to fully understand and appreciate how true that is. Especially my "cool" 16 year-old.

Happy 50th, Mom and Dad. I don't know which event we'll sing at next - perhaps I can get my kids to sing at my 50th birthday party less than six years from now.

A Bowling List

With golf season in full swing, and my not having touched my bowling balls in two months, I thought it might be fun to post a list I've been thinking about over the years.

Top All-Time Professional Bowlers' Names

5. Bob Handley (Non-bowlers may not appreciate it, but "more hand" is bowling slang for what you need to throw a bigger hook.)
4. John Handegard (A perfect product-endorsing name for bowling, like if a golfer were named "Woods." Imagine that...)
3. Larry Laub (What happens when your thumb sticks.)
2. Gary Skidmore (And thus, hook less.)
1. Charlie Tapp (Minnesota's own, whose name is the golf equivalent of Charlie Shankk, Whiff, or Yipp. Only Charlie Gutterball would be better.)

Honorable Mention: Guppy Troup (In golf, Arnie had his Army. This guy's fan club could have just used his full name.)

I thought there also was once a bowler named Loft, but can't seem to find proof of it, as Googling "professional bowler Loft" gives you the metaphorical haystack in which to find the needle.

And just for fun, a little off-topic, the best name for a bad NFL punter: Bucky Scribner. That name sounds like what you would call a bad punt.

How not to spend time on your vacation

It's after 11:00 P.M. on a Wednesday, right in the middle of my vacation, and I'm getting upset because I can't seem to get the wifi to work so I can check e-mails.

I don't have a job that requires me to check e-mails while on vacation, but it is a job that necessarily means I will return with over a thousand e-mails when I return July 6 if I do not check them and delete the deletables. My Outlook inbox is likely already filled to its limit, which is stressing me out more than any subject matter I may find once I do get in.

It's weird stressing out over something that will really not matter one bit once I return from vacation. My July 6 return will be filled with catching up regardless of whether I stress about it now, and whether I do anything about it once I get into the wifi. If I ever do get in, that is.

It's also frustrating that I drove over a half-mile to do this, as our room does not get wifi.

If only my golf game was good enough to relieve the stress.

Opposites attract

I hate slow walkers. My wife is a slow walker. OK, I don't hate her, nor other slow walkers really, but I hate getting stuck behind them in places where I'm not even trying to walk fast - just at a nice, lively pace.

My wife hates slow drivers. I am a slow driver. OK, she doesn't hate me, nor other slow drivers, but she hates getting stuck behind them in places where she only wants to go 5 mph over the speed limit. I don't really drive slowly, either, just typically 1 mph slower than the normal flow, unless I'm in a hurry, which isn't often.

She really gets stressed out over other drivers, which causes her to tailgate, cuss, etc. And that stresses me out even more than she already is.

But you know what's good for stress? A nice, lively walk. It's supposed to be, anyway.

World Cup

At the risk of sounding like another ignorant American, I just can't get into the World Cup. But to all those worldly, smarter-than-I fans of the game, who "get it" like I "obviously" do not, I have a few things to say, in no particular order:

1. Because I don't enjoy the game as much as the "Big 4" American professional team sports does not mean I do not enjoy the game.
2. Because I would like to see more scoring in an average game, does not mean I do not "get it."
3. If soccer is such a pure sport, why is the most important game of the "best game in the world" allowed to be decided by the luck of a goaltender's guess? (Oh, that's right, I know the answer...because I just don't "get it.")
4. If soccer fans do not have the same short attention span as we glib Americans, and fully understand and enjoy the beauty of the game as it is, why must they blow those vuvuzela's from start to finish, in a game that takes a mere 2 hours total time to complete? (What's to "get" there?)
5. Because I criticize the game as I do, does not mean I do not enjoy it.
6. I greatly appreciate what soccer players can do with the ball without resorting to their hands. Because that does not entertain me to the same extent as many other sports, does not mean I do not "get it."
7. Soccer, like many other sports and games, is great fun to play. It just ranks lower on my list of sports and games I enjoy watching. Which, again, is not the same as my saying I do not enjoy watching it at all.

OK, I think I've made my point(s), although I admit there may be some straw man arguments in there. I probably will watch the World Cup final for the same reason I watch the college women's softball finals, and other sporting events I otherwise don't regularly follow. That is, when something is truly on the line, I enjoy pretty much all forms of athletic competition.

I'd just rather clap along with an organ than blow a vuvuzela.

Yes, I do see the potential for the sophomoric innuendo joke in that last sentence. Have at it, if you wish.

Duct tape: It really can do anything

We took our four-year-old to the doctor today to look at what appeared to be a wart growing on his foot. Actually, his "Mema" took him, at her insistence, and it pains me to admit I'm glad she did.

It is indeed a wart (we had hoped it was merely a corn), and my wife and I had a brief discussion about whether it is a Plantar wart. She said because it is on the bottom of his foot, it is by definition a Plantar wart. I disagreed in my head, kept my mouth shut, Googled it later, learned to my satisfaction I was right, and continued to keep my mouth shut.

From http://www.howtodothings.com/:

"Plantar warts often appear near the balls of the foot or around the heel (essentially, the places that most likely made contact with the virus in the first place). You can feel the lump of a plantar wart as you walk, but when you look at it, the wart appears surprisingly flat. Due to their location on the body, plantar warts grown inward as opposed to outward. As a result, the wart won't look like a wart on someone's face. A plantar wart feels like a callus because it's covered in callus tissue due to the frequent pressure of walking. Often the planter wart will appear darkly discolored, sometimes with the appearance of a small black core (which is a blood clot, not any physical materialization of the virus itself)."

So yes, a Plantar wart does appear on the bottom of the foot, but exhibits no likeness to the wart my son has. His is outward-growing and has none of the small black cores explained above, which I once experienced in my early twenties.

What I did not expect to learn was the home remedy for it: duct tape. It kills the virus I guess, and eventually the wart goes away. It is supposed to work for "real" Plantar warts, too. I was very glad to know my son didn't have to have it frozen off, for his sake and mine, as I'm not sure my insurance covers the procedure.

I used a daily regimen of a prescription cream, Band-Aids, and a razor blade to remove mine back in the late '80s. It was kind of gross and creepy to self-mutilate my way to a wart-free foot. It was a lot cheaper than freezing the warts off, but it was no match for duct tape.

Those little marks that use their influence

(The title of this post was taken from the punctuation song from the Electric Company in the 1970s.)

I think it was in seventh grade when I read "Flowers for Algernon." It's a story about Charlie who gets smart because of new, experimental drug treatment, but then reverts to his below-average intelligence and eventually dies. A real heartwarmer.

Sorry, perhaps I should have put "spoiler alert" first.

Anyway, one of my favorite parts of the book was when Charlie wrote in his journal, "Punctuation; is fun!?!" Or something like that. While he was getting smarter, he was learning about punctuation, but had not yet learned how to use it correctly.

We all have our grammatical and spelling pet peeves. Misuses of "they're, their," and "there," for example. One of mine is how the period and the question mark seem to be interchangeable in e-mails, particularly at work.

I get that it's just e-mail. I support people keying their message quickly for efficiency's sake, which might mean a little carelessness. It isn't a college theme paper, after all. I hope people afford me the same leniency in judging some of my blog posts.

I guess I've just seen it so often, and many times from the same offenders, that it just gets under my skin.

Do you know what I'm talking about. I don't know why they do it?

If reading the above two sentences bothered you, congratulations. If you didn't notice anything, you might be one of the "repeat offenders" of which I complain.

How Do They Keep Their Jobs?

This is beneath me, but I just need to memorialize the ineptitude of another major league baseball umpire tonight. Mike Winters, who might have been qualified to fill-in as a last minute replacement for a little league no-show tonight, was absolutely brutal. If you can find Justin Morneau's fourth inning at bat somewhere on the net, check it out.

It's not the only example, but it's pretty comical to see in a matter of seconds, with strike two on an outside pitch, and strike three on the inside, an umpire's hallucination of a 26-inch-wide plate.

Winters was so bad, I'll even forgive Brian Runge for his erroneous showing-up of Nick Punto on the pick-off call at first.

Bowling: Youth Wasted on this Youngster

On February 8, 1988, I bowled my first and only 300 game. Five days later, I bowled a 290. My name was mentioned in the late Bob Schabert's bowling column in the St. Paul Pioneer Press two weeks in a row for these feats. In the span of about two weeks, I had bowled four 700+ series. This was back when this type of scoring actually still meant something, and all before my 22nd birthday.

No, I'm not bragging. I wish I were, because then I could say how much I have accomplished since then. In a sport (or game if you prefer) that saw scoring inflation in the '90s akin to what Major League Baseball saw in home runs, and unlike baseball has not reeled it back (although I doubt steroid testing is anywhere on bowling's horizon), the question to ask a good bowler is not whether they have bowled a 300, but how many have they bowled.

I'm still awaiting my second.

I'm at peace with it, because only last year did I decide to really take advantage of the equipment revolution that began in 1992 with the first commercial reactive resin cover stock balls. I was only a casual bowler between '92 and '08.

The reason I was only casually involved was because I burned myself out. I had some talent, desire, and a world of potential. But what I failed to do to make it to the next level(s) was in the mental part of the game: both in learning the technical parts, and dealing with the emotional intelligence part.

With that, I present my season stats from the 1987-88 Evangelical Lutheran bowling league at the now-defunct Minnehaha Lanes. (I'm not Lutheran, in case you are wondering.) This was not the same league in which I bowled my 300 game, which is good, because in that league, I also bowled a 102, and I'd rather you not see it (although I did just tell you). Yes, my high and low games for the year were 198 pins apart! That's gotta be some kind of record.

You will see the same type of inconsistency, however, in the stats from this league, which show that while I had nights where I could put it together, I couldn't quite hang with the big boys. I tried to compete in the local CBA and other scratch tournaments the following year, but failed miserably, and was too emotionally unintelligent to handle it. I quit for a couple years, made a return to league bowling again in the early '90s, and was pretty much done after that. You could say I peaked at 21, and was washed up at 22.

One thing is for sure with regard to my recent attempt at a "comeback": I'm going to have fun doing it, results be damned. One way I will make sure of it is to coach my four-year-old son as he joins his first bowling league next year.

Bowling with my kids always puts me in the right frame of mind...except when the two-year-old runs in front of the people two lanes over.

2009-10 Bowling Season

This bowling season was my most successful yet, although I only bowled part time (42 games out of 96). Of course, technology had a lot to do with it. But I do think I am pretty close to where I'd like to be. Spare shooting is still an area for improvement, as is just general education on lane conditions, oil pattern reading (especially when it breaks down).

Here is how the season went:



At the risk of self-inflicted back-patting injury, the highlights of the year were personal bests in average and three-game series, a nice rebound from a weak start, a decent won-lost record, a profitable season in third-game "pots," and a first trimester win for the team.

Lows included poor spare shooting, and an inability to finish off what should have been 700s in three of the weeks. For fun, let's compare this season to 2008-09:

My plans/goals for 2010-11:

1) Pick up a new ball that reacts differently from what I have, so that I have a more well-rounded arsenal

2) Bowl tournaments and cash in at least one CBA event

3) Compete in the USBC Nationals in Reno and average 190 (no small feat, even for a 218 bowler)

4) Work on spare shooting to average 225 in league

5) Bring bowling closer to a hobby that pays for itself

I had similar goals back in the late 1980s. I'll post some info on how that went next time.

Here's a sneak preview: Not well.

Topics (Mostly) Off Limits

There are two topics I generally avoid on this blog and on Facebook. They are religion and politics. You know the old adage, and I follow it fairly closely in cyberspace, be it in my original posts and musings, or in response to others'.

I don't really have one main reason; rather, it's a combination of many. I'm going to list several contributing factors, but please understand that none of these account for more than 33% of my reasoning, and some may contribute less than 1%:

1- I might lose friends, who of course aren't real friends if they can't accept me for blah blah blah...
2- A decision-maker holding my career fate may find it, and worse, may not like it.
3- Simply put, I'm non-confrontational.
4- Some people are so clueless, that it's not worth the bother to do it even for the sake of interesting conversation (I almost said "stimulating intercourse," but that could have been taken wrongly).
5- The cyber world is so public and permanent. That just makes me a little uncomfortable. Oh sure, writing about my passion for watching televised bowling, including 30-year-old archived footage of the PBA tour on YouTube, does not. Go figure.
6- I have a few "closeted" beliefs that might shock people close to me, and their hearts might be weak.
7- Things in writing are far more likely to be taken out of context later, and become far from the true spirit of what I've said. It's better to talk such things through, so you can clear up any possible misconceptions right then and there.
8- My friends have diverse ideas, and I try to respect them all.
9- It invites trolls.
10- It invites non-trolls, but ones who think they are making a sound argument, yet have little idea as to where critical thinking and logic begin.

There's probably more, but they start to overlap. (See nos. 10 and 4 above, for example.)

I will offer this glimpse into my political leanings: As a social liberal and fiscal conservative, I'm no "Capital L" Libertarian either. I tend to be more socially liberal than fiscally conservative. I don't mind paying a little too much tax to help welfare recipients, even if some are "working" the system, because I know that some truly need the safety net. (I don't buy the argument that charity would be enough.)

Put another way, I get less upset about a welfare mom having another kid than I do a philandering politician trying to keep gays from marrying because of some "sanctity of marriage" nonsense.

But don't think that it's not a close contest between the two in vying for my contempt.

Cell Phones

I got a Blackberry through work several months ago, but still use my old cell phone. My two-year plan with Sprint is not up for another few months yet, and we all know how impossible breaking those contracts are. I use the Blackberry to occasionally check work e-mails, but that's about it.

I'm not big on having the latest and greatest in technology, with some exceptions when it is truly beneficial to my hobbies and such. For example, I got a SkyCaddie when they were still this mystery device seen in SkyMall magazines. But I haven't upgraded to one of the "new and improved," in color, and even satellite photo-using models. I've almost lost it on the golf course a few times, but I'm still hanging on to my old SG-2 model as long as it continues to suffice.

I also bought a bat speed meter back around 1990. It was expensive, but extremely useful. After all, how do you know if you're getting better if you can't measure it? It would be like lifting weights without ever keeping track of how heavy they are. I never had to replace that, either. It looks (and feels) like a dinosaur, but functions just fine, even though I'm retired from softball(again). I plan on training my sons with it as soon as I get it back from a friend who borrowed it for his son. I can wait; they're still pre-K.

So even when I get the latest in technology, I'm not looking to replace it just because it comes out in a new model. When my wife and I got our Samsung Instinct phones with our Sprint plan, I was less than enthused. She thought they were awesome - Samsung's version of the iPhone! I found myself wishing I had an old plain cell phone, and a smaller monthly bill to go with it.

But I will give it this: it's durable as heck. I left it on top of my car a couple weeks ago, and you can tell it got run over at least once. A nice Eagan police officer found it. It still works, although when using the touch screen, you have to press the item below the one you want. I've accidentally called (and hung up on) some folks on my speed dial, and it's not even worth trying to text or access the Net with it, but it's impressive nonetheless, and I'll stick with it until our plan expires. Then I'll probably downgrade our plan to one phone, and make the Blackberry my only mobile device.

I might even get it upgraded by my employer from time to time, but I'd be fine if not.

Bowling On TV and Movies

(Note: I originally wrote this entry in December, 2009, and forgot to publish it. Only today did I discover my error. I have added a couple bits about Chris Barnes and Brad Angelo, and Big Bang Theory to make it more timely.)

I just finished watching a lame Saturday Night Live sketch about bowling. As a long-time bowling geek, I appreciate the subject matter. But they've just committed one of my all-time pet peeves of bowling-themed shows, movies, etc., especially when it is supposed to be professional bowling, as in this skit.

It's not the lack of believability in the characters' skills. I get that they are actors and can only do their best. But when they show someone roll the ball, then switch the shot to the pins getting knocked down, and you see a "Brooklyn" strike, followed by the player's reaction of expecting it, it pisses me off.

Brooklyn strikes occasionally happen even among the pros, but whenever they do, the pro always reacts with body language as if to say, "Whew....sure got lucky on that one!" Or perhaps in a satirical cocky manner, clearly not meant to be taken seriously (e.g., Brad Angelo against Chris Barnes in the 2010 Lumber Liquidators Marathon Open, although perhaps Barnes did take it a little too seriously). Next time you watch the movie Kingpin, look for Bill Murray's character to do just what I'm complaining about. You should also see one in the recent Big Bang Theory episode in which bowling was a central theme (also Wil Weaton's second cameo, if that helps you Google or YouTube it).

They even have "bowling consultants" for these programs, which makes it all the more inexcusable. OK, maybe SNL didn't, but I know that a recent CSI episode that featured pro bowlers did. That episode had lame bowling as well, but what really torqued me off about it was the ending: A championship match finishing with one guy (the killer in the story, actually) needing to convert a 7-10 split to win, which he did, acting cocky like he "had it all along."

For you non-bowlers, that's as bad as a movie or show featuring a poker showdown that ends with one guy beating four aces with a royal flush, and then acting like he knew he'd win because he's such a better poker player.

Yeah, sure, happens all the time.

Let's Leave the Sportscasting to Sportscasters

I wasn't at the long-awaited Twins home opener at Target Field today, but I did get goosebumps watching it on TV. I loved the throwback uniforms, too.

You know what I didn't like? The air-headed banter on WCCO news tonight about the game. Like many others I suppose, I hate pretty much all of the news desk chatter cliches:

- The bad segue ("Speaking of baseball, this weather sure hit a home run today!")
- Ending the newscast with stupid remarks and fake laughter
- Non-sports people acting like they're really into it, and hip to sports as well

There's so many more, but let's try a case in point from tonight's broadcast on that third item. Early in the broadcast, Amelia Santaniello remarked, "Professional baseball was played outdoors in Minnesota for the first time since 1982." Or words to that effect. The key words I know I did not get wrong were "Professional baseball," and no, Amelia, this was not the first time since 1982 or in 28 years or however you put it. This was the first time for Major League Baseball outdoors in Minnesota.

OK, fine, that's a minor point. But I can't let this one go: cheaper-than-Paul-Douglas weather guy Chris Shaffer compared this opening day with the last outdoor home opener for the Twins in 1981. The weather was similar, so nothing much to report there (I was waiting for him to say it snowed in 1981). But then Shaffer dropped this beauty (again, I paraphrase): "You might remember a couple guys on the team that opening day: Gary Gaetti and Kent Hrbek."

Wrong again. Gaetti and Hrbek weren't on the 1981 Twins roster until September call-ups. A more interesting tidbit, not to mention accurate, would have been that Sal Butera, father of current Twin Drew Butera, was on the roster that day. Also, Twins bullpen coach Rick Stelmaszek's first year as Twins' coach was...wait for it...1981.

There was also a really bad segue tonight, but I got too worked up to remember it.

Damn Devils

I'm not a Duke hater, although I was a bit peeved over the favoritism they seemed to get at key moments tonight from the officials. What really got my goat (love that phrase) is that I was all set to pick Duke in my bracket selection this year, but went with Kansas at the last second. I changed my mind because of some of the things I had read about Duke being "overrated," and recalling some overpaid ESPN desk-sitters saying Kansas was "clearly" the best team in the tournament.

I usually get into one bracket pool at most every other year, and spend all of five minutes on it. This year I decided to read about ten minutes worth of commentary before filling it out, and despite doing awfully early on (like most), I finished 7th out of 73. Had I gone with Duke, I would have finished third, good enough to cash.

I guess those same experts may have been right that Duke didn't deserve such an "easy" bracket, but that's extremely debatable. Bottom line for me in future pools is to heed some stock market advice I read long ago, from Harvey Mackay (I think): Trust the experts...to be wrong.

I will also not throw away future entries by picking the Gophers in two upsets if I don't really believe they have a chance, now that I know I actually can do all right without the knowledge of the "experts." Those games and a Duke win would have been enough to pay for the golf on my recent trip to Branson.

Baseball's Loss is Rock-n-Roll's Gain

Some twenty sophomores tried out for baseball at Elk River High School. My son was among them, and was also among the 6 or so who were cut today.

I recall missing the cut for my junior high baseball teams (both A & B squads) in 7th & 8th grade. I was a fair ball player, with a decent swing and good hand-eye skills, but physically underdeveloped for my age. Plus, having skipped 2nd grade, I was a full year younger than most in my own grade. I was an 11-yr-old trying to make the cut amongst 15-yr-olds.

It's easy to make excuses, and a nasty trap. I've never completely gotten over what skipping a grade, plus having a later birthday, did to my school-days sports pursuits. Studies have convincingly shown the benefits an earlier birthday in the school year has on an athlete. Adding a full year to that late birthday, frankly, sucks.

So I ended up pursuing games I could work on in solitude, and thus ended up lettering, barely, and only in my senior year, in golf (long before it was cool), and being among the top two bowlers in my school (still not cool).

But back to my son. I can't help but feel for him, knowing that had I been a better parent, he would have had a fighting chance. It's not easy, being I only see him every other weekend, and we live an hour apart, but there I go with excuses again. Did I really have to watch the ball game, golf match, etc., when I could have been playing catch or pitching BP to him? Sure, we did some of that, but not like a father and son who see each other only two out of fourteen days should. You'd think I wouldn't have wasted a moment of that precious time.

He's got the right attitude, and I'm super proud of him for that. He is a very promising young drummer, and wants to work more on that with his newly-found spare time. Like bowling, he can work on it for hours at a time if he wants (and he often does).

Plus, it's a heck of a lot cooler than being a bowler.

Volkswagens and White Castles

Even more than the McDonald's Lenten Fillet-O-Fish commercials, I find myself very annoyed by the new Volkswagen commercials, where they promote the "Punch Dub" concept.

First, they're simply not funny. Second, they are apparently trying to embrace the old "Slug Bug" stigma and replace it with a new, less stigmatic, yet hip association with the brand.

It bothers me because if they are going to embrace it, then they should fully embrace it. White Castle did it right when they finally embraced the "Slider" slang term for their burgers. The days of dirty looks from the cashier when you ordered "six sliders, please" were gone for good.

I see no reason why VW shouldn't embrace the old "Slug Bug" tradition in its original form.

Then again, White Castle has yet to embrace the term "Gut Bomb," so maybe there is a line to be drawn somewhere.

Bracketology

I'm not enough of a wonk to talk NCAA bracketology with much credibility. But I did follow enough of a couple of teams to say this, and leave it at that:

I'm happy Minnesota got in, but as an eleven seed sure seems rather silly. That means the committee thought they were one of the top 44 teams.

Northern Iowa, a top-20 poll team, and #17 in RPI, and they get a nine seed? I'd like someone on the committee to explain that one.

Schweigert to be the Target Field Hot Dog Supplier

I grew up on knothole days at the old Metropolitan Stadium in Bloomington. The simple memories of those games at the Met I will treasure forever. The first view of the outfield lights while pulling closer to the field by the Northwest Orient Airlines hangars. The anticipatory walk from the Thunderbird Motel parking lot (where Mom would park for free, and never got caught). And those wonderful 50-cent Schweigert hot dogs (and 50-cents was expensive back in 1975!!).

Remember this jingle from the '70s?:

What could be better on a sunny day
Than watching the Twins winning all the way
And sittin' in the stands and shoutin' "Hurray!"
With a hot dog
Schweigert hot dog

It's the one you get
When you're at the Met
'Cause going to the ballgame is great fun
And Schweigert makes it better

Yes, I remember it word-for-word, and could sing it, too.

This is going to be one fun summer at Target Field. The only thing they could have done to make it better was to schedule a June 26 game against the White Sox. I can see Joe Mauer raising his average to .406, Jim Thome getting eight RBIs and a grand slam. All while my kids wear their promotional Joe Mauer jerseys.

Those of you in my age group probably know exactly what I'm referring to. Others may check out these links to appreciate it, and hopefully catch Twins fever: June 26, 1977. Patrick Reusse's 30th anniversary column.

Here's a telling difference between the Met and the Metrodome: The Metrodome provided me many terrific memories because of the teams on the field. The Met provided many terrific memories because of the ball park. (And because, of course, I was a much more impressionable youngster.)

Here's hoping Target Field will be the best of both, starting in 2010. And here's to Schweigert making it better!

Miller Shines, but Canada Wins Gold

What a shame for Ryan Miller to have ended his brilliant Olympic run with a goal he should have stopped. A poor-angle shot by Sidney Crosby seemed to have caught him by surprise, and he committed what I always thought was the Cardinal sin of leaving your stick off the ice when in position, leaving the five-hole particularly vulnerable.

(I could be 100% wrong about that goal, but it looked to me like a stick on the ice would have stopped it. I will correct this if I later discover I am wrong.)

When I played goalie, almost to a fault I made sure the stick was on the ice if at all possible. Perhaps I didn't control rebounds as well as I should have. But I very rarely got beat in the five hole on the ice.

I was also pretty good on breakaways, although I'm sure that was in large part because I was too slow to fall for any dekes.

Regardless, Miller rightfully won the MVP of the Olympic hockey tournament. Hockey gets it right. It's happened in the NHL playoffs, too. There's no reason the MVP of a series or tournament has to come from the winning team. It helps, but shouldn't be a requirement.

So the USA was the best team throughout the Olympics, and even beat Canada in six full periods of hockey. But timing is crucial, and Canada got the most important goal. Congratulations to our friends in the Great White North, eh.

Another Mom & Pop Closing

In a sad case of serendipity, I took my family bowling last Saturday night to Airport Bowl in Richfield for the first time ever, and then found out this week they are closing this summer. I have driven by the 12-lane house probably a couple hundred times at least, and finally tried it out for the first time ever.

The owners are literally Mom & Pop (but not mine), having run the business for 25 years. Their son reports that they haven't drawn a salary in two years, and because of the declining nature of the business of bowling (at least in small houses not tricked up with lasers and black lights), plus rising real estate costs, selling isn't even an option. They will simply vacate when the lease is up.

The good news is the couple will get some much-deserved rest and relaxation, and they are not hurting financially for their retirement years. My wife, who is horrified to think of how I am getting my four-and-two-year-olds hooked on the game, even mentioned when we were there, "We should buy a bowling alley like this."

"That would be a dream," I thought, although now I'm re-thinking that with this news. I do love small houses like the Airport Bowl. You don't see too many more in the Twin Cities. Saint Bernards', Country Club, and Ran-Ham come to mind. Falcon Bowl closed a few years ago to development, as did the Stahl House, just to name a couple.

Sadly, at least to a reborn bowling geek like me, this is less a statement of big corporations taking over the Mom & Pops than it is a sorry statement of the state of bowling. There are a lot of ideas out there, but I honestly don't know what can be done to grow the sport back to at least a semblance of what it was 20-30 years ago.

I'm glad I at least got to contribute some $60+ to the couple's retirement the other night (there were eight of us including a friend, plus we had drinks). I'll be stopping by at least one more time before it closes to pay my last respects, and hopefully help make the couple's golden years a little better, if ever so slightly.