Twinkies again

In 1982, the Minnesota Twins had a line-up largely comprised of talented AAA players who were put into the Major Leagues in sort of a trial-by-fire.  They showed a lot of pop in their bats and other forms of promise, but still lost 102 games. One of the young players was Tom Brunansky, who hit 20 home runs and struck out 102 times, while batting .272.

Pretty respectable with a lot of upside.

This year's version of a AAA team in Minneapolis is going to finish with fewer than 100 losses, and similarly show some promise and pop in their bats.  "Bruno" is their hitting coach, which would seem to be the right kind of guy to bring these guys to a true Major League level (as Bert Blyleven might say, several times each evening).

The two troubling differences this year are:

1) Many of this year's "AAA" players are not 21-22 years old like the '82 squad
2) This years squad has struck out 1369 times through 157 games, compared with 887 for the whole 1982 season

That's a concerning number, and while it's too soon to tell, it concerns me that perhaps Bruno isn't the guy for the job.  They aren't just striking out a lot; they are doing it ugly. Cookies taken for called strike three. Ugly attempts at check swings on pitches two feet from the strike zone. Swinging horribly late on fastballs.

And worst of all, missing perfectly grooved fastballs by more than an inch or two.

That's about 8.5 strikeouts per game.  That means the average starting pitcher they face would be on pace to strikeout well over 200 batters in a season just by facing the Twins.  Average. And unlike the 1982 Twins, there's not one 20 home run hitter in the bunch this year.

Bruno probably deserves a second year, but I can't help but think they aren't learning much from him.

The joke in '82 was that the Twins set an all-time home attendance record for a AAA club.  This year's club has shattered that mark as well, but no one is laughing.

Why Pay More? (Maybe they should)

It's after midnight, and thanks to another Twins faltering against the Yankees, two things are certain:

1) I'll have a dream of the game, during which the game isn't over yet, only to wake up and realize it really happened
2) Every thing that normally bugs me a little will really tick me off for a while

As for the latter, as an ex-radio guy, I really hate lame commercial copy. After the game, on the tube I heard the Vision World tag line, "Why pay more?" I think Taco Bell has been using the same one. I would bet at least 100 small market radio stations across the U.S. are using it for local advertisers as well. Perhaps the Twins' management is as well, and were reminded of the answer by the Yankees.

I can forgive the small market stations. You can only come up with so many different ways to tell the audience that price is your differentiator. For $10 a spot, or whatever the going rate is these days, you ain't getting Madison Avenue.

But from national chains? "Why pay more"??

I'll tell you why, because perhaps by paying more I'll get someone who cares about quality, which apparently Vision World doesn't when hiring copy writers.

Stupid Twins.

Snoozing and Losing

As a radio geek and bowling nerd (or is that radio nerd and bowling geek?), I totally blew two opportunities recently.

First, as I reported previously, the Airport Bowl closed its doors. They had an auction on K-BID to liquidate everything. Yes, everything, including their lanes and pinsetters.

I'm not upset about missing out on buying my own set of lanes for the pole shed out back. That would have been so cool, and cheap, but the buyer had to pick it up, which I wouldn't have been able to do. Plus, I don't have a pole shed.

I'm only a little upset at missing out on the several brightly colored house balls, weighing about 6-7 pounds each, the ball racks, various office furniture, etc. What I'm really upset at is that an autographed photo of Kelly Kulick went for only $7.10. Yeah, that's kind of geeky, but follow Kulick's link, and you'll see how incredible an athlete (yes, athlete) she is. I kept telling myself to check in on it just before it closes, and then I got distracted for a few hours, and missed out.

The other thing I missed out on was an original 1965 Minnesota Twins record album, "The Last of the Ninth." I listened for hours to the 1969 Twins LP, "Martin's Marauders" in my youth. Herb Carneal, Merle Harmon, and Halsey Hall. Gordo and Dazzle couldn't carry their jocks.

My uncle still has the record and has told me one day he will copy it to CD for me. How cool would it have been for me to present him with a copy of the 1965 album when he did? Pretty cool, says the geek.

I missed out on this almost the same way as the Kulick photo: I saw it on e-Bay, and forgot to follow-up as the closing date/time drew near. It sold for $20.

My Pre-Twins Game Trip

I'm taking four of my five kids, plus my wife, to the Twins game this Friday. To help save on refreshments, I went to one of my favorite places to get junk food: Menard's. I had a $15 Menard's rebate check, which made it feel almost like I got the stuff free. Except, of course, that I bought much more than $15 worth.

Two things I noticed at Menard's that are the kinds of things I notice. One I appreciated: the express check-out lane said, "Six items or fewer." Nice! Most would say, "Six (or ten, or fifteen, or whatever) items or less." Menard's gets points for being grammatically correct.

The other thing bothers me, 'though. Why does Menard's have a turnstile at the entrance, and one that seems relatively free-spinning at that?

Let's Leave the Sportscasting to Sportscasters

I wasn't at the long-awaited Twins home opener at Target Field today, but I did get goosebumps watching it on TV. I loved the throwback uniforms, too.

You know what I didn't like? The air-headed banter on WCCO news tonight about the game. Like many others I suppose, I hate pretty much all of the news desk chatter cliches:

- The bad segue ("Speaking of baseball, this weather sure hit a home run today!")
- Ending the newscast with stupid remarks and fake laughter
- Non-sports people acting like they're really into it, and hip to sports as well

There's so many more, but let's try a case in point from tonight's broadcast on that third item. Early in the broadcast, Amelia Santaniello remarked, "Professional baseball was played outdoors in Minnesota for the first time since 1982." Or words to that effect. The key words I know I did not get wrong were "Professional baseball," and no, Amelia, this was not the first time since 1982 or in 28 years or however you put it. This was the first time for Major League Baseball outdoors in Minnesota.

OK, fine, that's a minor point. But I can't let this one go: cheaper-than-Paul-Douglas weather guy Chris Shaffer compared this opening day with the last outdoor home opener for the Twins in 1981. The weather was similar, so nothing much to report there (I was waiting for him to say it snowed in 1981). But then Shaffer dropped this beauty (again, I paraphrase): "You might remember a couple guys on the team that opening day: Gary Gaetti and Kent Hrbek."

Wrong again. Gaetti and Hrbek weren't on the 1981 Twins roster until September call-ups. A more interesting tidbit, not to mention accurate, would have been that Sal Butera, father of current Twin Drew Butera, was on the roster that day. Also, Twins bullpen coach Rick Stelmaszek's first year as Twins' coach was...wait for it...1981.

There was also a really bad segue tonight, but I got too worked up to remember it.

More Mauer Thoughts

With Joe Mauer's average down to .384 (before going 1-for-2 so far tonight), I am compelled to note an observation or two.

Part of the reason he is "slumping" is that he has lost just over 1% of his strength since he came off the DL.

How do I figure?

Consider tonight he hit a double off the top of the wall in left. A month ago, that ball lands in the second row. Of course, that helped his average, but last night he flew out to that same wall. A month ago, that ball lands in row one.

We're talking about as little as a four-foot difference in power. Those four feet cost him two home runs in as many nights. That's just a little over 1% on a 370-foot-or-so fly ball.

Some wise physics guy might correct my math, and calculate the actual percentage of strength necessary to equate 1% in distance. But you get the idea.

Some wise guy might also suggest that maybe he just didn't "get" those two pitches. I dunno...I have seen him fly out deep to the opposite field quite a bit lately. I can't help but wonder how many more home runs or doubles he would have had he not lost that 1%.

(Right now, Mauer just singled to left, and is 2-for-3 on the night.)

I look at it as more evidence Mauer doesn't use steroids (not that I needed any). More than just helping build muscle, steroids help maintain it by eliminating the effects of "over-training." Mauer got stronger while resting from his injuries. Now that he is playing and traveling long and odd hours (cutting into vital sleep, no doubt), he is likely losing some of that strength.

Twins' TV commentator Roy Smalley had a nice-sounding theory about Mauer's early-season power surge, which was basically that sometimes good hitters just "find their swing" that turns deep flies into home runs, almost subconsciously, without even trying. I like my theory better.

One thing's for sure, and I noticed this when I saw him fly out deep to left twice against Boston at the dome earlier this year: if Mauer were ever to play for the Bosox while still in his prime, he'd be a surefire .400 hitter. All three of the fly outs I've mentioned tonight (plus the double), and many others I've seen this year, would have at least clanked off the Big Green Monster, if not cleared it altogether.

OK, maybe not "surefire," because he wouldn't have the advantage of artificial turf-aided singles. It would be interesting to anecdotally tally how many Green Monster hits Mauer loses in the dome, vs. hits gained from the turf.

Let's hope that deal never happens, though. Boston has taken many of our pro sports heroes; but Mauer was home-grown, so I don't think it will.

(Update: Of course, a half hour later, Mauer just hit one in the third row to left field. I stubbornly contend that would have been row five a month or two ago. At least I've anti-jinxed him now. (But re-jinxed him with that comment.))

Baby Jesus at the Bat

There's a tongue-in-cheek nickname for Joe Mauer, presumably started by someone at KFAN radio: "Baby Jesus." It was, I think, meant originally as a jab at the local homers who praised Joe Mauer rabidly before he truly proved himself.

The rabid homers may get the last laugh.

I have no dislike for homers, as long as they recognize their own homerism and can separate their own rooting for a player v. actual logical argument. In that regard, I am one myself.

Anyway, young as the season may be, even moreso for Mauer, who missed April due to injury, it is becoming much like the summer of 1977 was for me.

That year, although the Twins contended early, I spent most of the season cheering for one Rodney Cline Carew as he chased a .400 batting average (alas, he finished the season at .388).

Back then, you got 50 televised games, all but about four being road games, and there were no Internets (at least not that everyday folk could use to get everyday information, for all you dweebs who were about to correct me).

A key tool to follow Sir Rodney, then, was the morning newspaper boxscores. Now, with virtually all of the games televised, and the Internet on my lap to provide me more complete boxscores, plus game logs, pitch-by-pitch action, etc., the dynamics of following Mauer's quest to .400 are different, but fun nevertheless.

I admit the Messiah's chase for .400 is likely to end up much the same as Carew in 1977, George Brett in 1980, and Carew again with the Angels in 1983. Below .400, that is. (And yes, Carew had a chase at .400 in 1983, which lasted even longer into the year than '77. You can look it up.)

Tonight, as the Twins try to hold on to their 10-0 lead, Mauer is 2-for-4 with a walk, making him 54-for-130, and bringing his average to .415.

You know the Magic Number the media use to indicate how close a team is to winning their division? I have come up with a Mauer Number.

The Mauer Number is a positive number, a negative number, or zero. Right now it is a plus-five. That means Baby J is batting over .400, and can go hitless in his next five at bats and still be batting .400. A negative number would mean he is batting below .400, and needs to have that number of consecutive hits to get his average back up to .400.

If you need me to explain what a Mauer Number of zero means, please seek remedial reading and/or math coursework as soon as possible.

Sliding Into First Again (No, I'm Not Letting It Rest)

During the encore presentation of the Jason Kubel show tonight (Twins win again over the Angels), I saw Carlos Gomez make it safely to first because of a high throw. The play reminded me of another argument in favor of sliding head-first into first base (by speedsters who know how to do it...not the Kubels or Morneaus of the world).

I didn't present this in my previous post on the subject, but a work colleague and I have discussed it and agree the argument that safety is a primary reason not to slide into first is weak, if not entirely misguided. We think first base is in fact the safest of the three to slide head-first into. Our reasoning:

1) Second and Third are too easy to over-slide. No issues at first.
2) Home plate is most likely going to be blocked by hard plastic armor.

But what's more, and this is the clincher for me, I've personally witnessed badly-sprained ankles by people who hit the bag wrong. Of course, like I say about sliding, one has to "know how to do it," but unlike sliding head-first, you don't always have the luxury of using what you "know" when hitting the bag, because you never know how long that last stride is going to be until, well, that last stride. My son came close to spraining his ankle for this very reason in his last game. Tonight, we saw Gomez hobble a bit after landing on the bag a little awkwardly.

(Fortunately, he was well enough to then steal second, only to get called out, ironically, because his head-first slide into second caused him to over-slide the bag, thus requiring to reach back and touch the bag. He did, successfully, but the umpire inexpilicably called him out. What in Hades the umpire was watching in calling Go-Go out at second, I have no idea. More evidence that major league umpires are overpaid.)

I've yet to see anyone writher in pain after a headfirst slide into first the way a teammate of mine did at State some six years ago after hitting the bag wrong. That said, I suppose I wouldn't want my hand on the bag when someone like Prince Fielder is coming back down to earth after snaring a high throw.

Nothing's perfect I guess...